The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Most people are probably with me when I say, I’m looking forward to a new year! Possibly more than I ever have before. This year has been extra-challenging, to say the least. And while we still may have a ways to go before things are “normal” again, we have had time to adjust and stabilize to a certain degree over the last 10 months and things seem more hopeful with the introduction of the COVID-19 vaccine. I, for one, am optimistic that there’s a light at the end of what has seemed to be an interminably long tunnel.

I’m not normally a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions. I find that many people put off doing healthy things for themselves in the fall because they are going to “start fresh” on January 1. I also find that so much emphasis is placed on those New Year’s Resolutions that when people fall off the goal wagon, they are extra discouraged and can slump into worse habits than they had before they set the resolution. But, this year, maybe it’s a good time to really think about what we’ve learned during this trying year and focus on what we want to do in the new year. I have a few things based on discussions I often have with clients, that I think wouldn’t hurt most of us to consider!

Stop being nice. Yep. You read that right. Stop it asap. But you might read Aziz Gazipura’s book “Not Nice” first as it will explain in much greater detail what this means and why it’s important to your emotional well-being. There is a huge difference between being nice and kind. I’m all about some kindness…not so much a fan of niceness. Being nice = being inauthentic because we are focused on keeping everyone else ok, not hurting anyone’s feelings, not making anyone else mad, not stepping on anyone’s toes…ensuring that everyone is ok with us all the time…to our own detriment. Being nice means people-pleasing and every people-pleaser I know is very aware or at least vaguely aware that they aren’t being their real selves in an effort to keep everyone around them ok. Being nice means I take responsbility for everyone else's feelings. Being kind means I speak my truth assertively (by the way, this is different from "being blunt", i.e. rude).  I expect that other people can handle it and that they are responsible for their own feelings, just as I am for my own. And the end result? I am being genuine and honest and authentic in my interactions with others. I allow them to see the real me and I don’t feel insecure, resentful or sad because I am hiding the real me behind niceness.

 Commit to living a healthy lifestyle. There is a resolution about getting healthy on most people’s typical list each year. But this year it might be more important than ever. Many, many people have felt the emotional and physical effects of the worry over the pandemic, being home and isolated, the monotony of day-to-day pandemic life, virtual schooling, concern over loved ones…the list goes on and on. I know a few people who really upped their fitness and nutritional game over the pandemic, but many admit to slipping significantly. Eating in a way that isn’t benefiting their bodies, not exercising, smoking and/or drinking more, becoming more sedentary. Now we couple those not-so-great habits with the wintertime when Seasonal Affective Disorder impacts so many, we have the perfect storm for depression and anxiety to develop or worsen significantly. I encourage you to commit to your health in the new year. Take small steps- they count just as much as the big ones. Exercise a little each day, add in some fruits and veggies to your diet, drink more water, meditate for 10 minutes a day, cut back on smoking or drinking. Every little gift you give your body pays off in emotional and physical dividends!

Get rid of clutter. Research shows that having a cluttered home has a negative impact on your emotional well-being. This is another area where I see clients have a hard time getting started if their home has gotten very clutter- it just seems like too much to tackle, so they procrastinate and you guessed it, even more clutter accumulates! This is one where you just gotta take a deep breath and start somewhere. Start small- perhaps a drawer a day or a closet a week or a desk or a bookcase. Then commit to keeping that area organized as you start another. I love the Becoming Minimalist blog and Facebook page. Joshua Becker posts some really great information about why decluttering is helpful and ways to do it that don’t feel overwhelming. A great little life-hack kind of book is “Outer Order, Inner Calm” by Gretchen Rubin (who also wrote the outstanding book “The Happiness Project”). This book really provides some great little nuggets to help you have a living space that promotes inner calm and peacefulness.

Practice Gratitude. There is this fun little phenomenon called “confirmation bias” that humans are prone to participate in, largely without being aware of it. According to an article entitled “What is Confirmation Bias” by Sharam Heshmat, PhD on Psychologytoday.com, when people would like to believe a certain idea or concept to be true, they end up believing it to be true. They are motivated by wishful thinking. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201504/what-is-confirmation-bias) I talk with clients about the “filter” we receive information through from the world around us. If I have a judgmental filter, then I will find all sorts of things to feel judgey about that will confirm my bias that I am morally superior to most folks around me. If I have an anxious filter, then I will view the world as an unsafe place and one I don’t want to really participate in. However, if I have a filter of gratitude, I am looking for things to feel grateful for. The result is I, first of all, find lots of things to be grateful for. And, number 2, I feel better about the world around me. So, setting a goal to reset your cognitive filter to look for things to feel grateful about will not only make you feel better about a lot of things, it will also help you find ways to accept the things that you can’t control in a more healthy way.

Be more mindful. I think one of the most important things I did during the early part of the shut down back in the spring was upped my yoga game. Not only did I reap the physical benefits of less tension in my muscles and improved flexibility and strength, I had the greater benefit of finding some much needed calm and peace each day I practiced (and it was about five times a week for a while…I was struggling!). There is so much research out there now about the benefits of mindfulness. And you don’t have to do yoga. I’m a big, big fan but I know it’s not for everyone (But let me just side bar for a second. People pooh pooh yoga after one session or don’t even try it at all because they are “not flexible”. Well, y’all…get on the mat if you only tried it once or twice or never at all. It’s not supposed to be something you just “get” on the first try. It’s why it’s called a yoga PRACTICE! I promise you, you will get the hang of it but there’s always something to learn and improve on so it’s never boring or dull. There are so many options of in person classes and online classes via You Tube that will fit every age, body type, and experience level. I am a big fan of Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube when I’m doing Yoga at home. She has an easy-to-follow style and breaks down her videos into short segments to longer ones.) But whether you do yoga, or something else mindful, like deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, etc., it all is towards the same goal- to live in the moment. To fully experience what’s going on right now. This really helps stop ruminating about the past and worrying about future. We can’t do anything about either one, really, but we sure can enjoy this moment we are in. The more you practice mindfulness, the more you are able to slow down your thoughts, not sweat the small stuff, and enjoy the moment you are in…which is all we really have.

I hope this was helpful for you. I know this has been such a hard year for most folks and we are right there with you. Therapists certainly aren’t immune from the stress and exhaustion that apparently are BFF’s with a pandemic. But, we have control over how we engage in our lives, even during a panemic. Maybe it’s not quite the way we’d like to engage, but we can come out of this feeling like we learned a lot and became healthier and happier as a result.

Here’s the much happiness and peace in 2021. If you’d like us to help you learn to live your life with purpose and peace, feel free to reach out to us at info@thebalancedlifellc.com.

(Photo by <a href="/photographer/wreckedm-50477">Palo Perez</a> from <a href="https://freeimages.com/">FreeImages</a>)