The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

It’s been a little less than a month since the Parkland, Florida school shooting, and the damaging psychological effects can last a lifetime for those directly and indirectly involved.

Because of the wide availability of the media coverage of such tragedies, now even second handedly watching the event can be traumatizing. I feel children and adolescents are particularly at risk to be bothered by the news, despite teachers and parents trying to shield them from this danger. Some of the various mental health concerns for kids who have watched a tragedy on TV include worry that this could happen to them or a loved one in the future, nervousness that they could be easily separated from their family, and an overall fear of their safety being jeopardized.

While adults may try to avoid difficult topics with their children or students, most times, they already know when something scary or sad happens. If this event is not discussed with them, they may exaggerate or overestimate what is wrong leading to feelings of confusions and nervousness. Instead of shying away from this tough conversation, I think it is imperative for parents to discuss tragedy with their children in a supportive, effective way.  

Here are a few simple guidelines to follow when talking about tragedy with your children:

Be truthful. The key to beginning the conversation is with preparation on the parent’s part, so you don’t have to think off the top of your head. Research the event beforehand and provide your children with facts of what happened. Along with giving the facts, make sure it’s developmentally appropriate- children 8 and under do not need to hear gory details or be given complicated information.

Encourage and answer questions. Make sure you are approachable through verbal and non-verbal body language to allow children to ask all necessary questions. Allow yourself to think through each question to give a thoughtful and thorough response. In return, ask open ended questions, “What did you think about this?’, “What do you know about this event?” to allow a fuller dialogue back and forth with your child.

Share feelings. It’s important during a tragedy to not only discuss what your child thinks about the event, but how it makes them feel. Being vulnerable and sharing your own feelings may give them confidence that they are not alone in feeling a certain way. Don’t just end on bad feelings; however, share with them how you can be strong and overcome the negativity and have a more positive outlook.

Give them reassurance. You are the adult and a place where your children should ultimately look to for safety and comfort. Giving them words of affirmation that you will do everything that you possibly can to keep them safe will greatly impact them in a positive way. Always end with the reminder that they are loved and that they can come to you anytime they are feeling sad, upset, or worried about something.

If you or your child needs additional help processing a tragic event, contact Lindsey Hill at (256) 258-7777 ext. 104 or at lindsey@thebalancedlifellc.com