The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

My life significantly changed on Monday, July 13, 2020.  On that day, my dear sister died from a short and tumultuous battle with pancreatic cancer.  The sting of grief that I felt that day has lingered, and seeing the rest of my family’s response to her death has added to it.  Despite my faith, I long to be with her, to hear her voice, now…

At some point or another, we all will experience the death of a loved one.  Even though there was a measure of so-called preparation for my sister’s death, there is no way I could have been prepared for the hurt and emptiness that I feel.  

Where does one go for comfort for such a loss?  When will this wound heal?  Will I ever get back to feeling normal?  Why do I feel guilty for moving forward with my life or even feeling happy without my loved one?

Have you experienced significant loss?  Have you asked yourself some, if not all of these questions?  From my own experience, I can assure you that your variety of feelings including anger, guilt, denial, depression, anxiety, etc. is normal.

In helping some of my clients work through grief, I found that grief has phases and stages, and no grief process is the same.  They say time heals all wounds, but it’s what one does with that time after the loss that matters.  

Below, you will find some key tips to help you start the healing process.

1. Give into the grief.  Some of my family have tried to live in oblivion following my sister’s death, which is proving to do more harm than good.  When you feel the need to cry, do it!  Crying is very therapeutic and the most natural response to having a loved one die.  When I can’t stop thinking of my sister, I pull out my phone and read our text messages and look at old photos and just let it flow.
2. Utilize your support system.  I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) with an outpouring of love from family, friends, and colleagues.  This has been a great help in not being consumed with grief.  If you need to talk, call someone up.
3. Get back to a normal routine.  There’s no greater truth than the fact that life moves on after the loss of a loved one.  Instead of isolating, try and resume a measure of your routine prior to the loss.  A word of caution- don’t jump back into a normal routine too quickly.  Allow yourself some time to truly mourn.  
4. Keep mementos and photos of your loved one nearby and in a special place.  This will keep your loved one near.  This also serves for helping you to cope with those rough days.
5. Give back.  Practice giving to others in some way.
6. Find meaning in your life.  My spiritual journey has brought me the most comfort and understanding during this loss.  I encourage you to dig deeper to find understanding of life and your purpose.

From talking with others who have suffered from significant loss, I am learning that you can be happy again.  You will never stop missing your loved one, but yes, in time with application of some of the tips mentioned, your wound from losing a loved one can heal.  

If you would like additional help in healing from the loss of a loved one, we are here to assist.  Call or email us- 256.258.7777 or info@thebalancedlifellc.com.