The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

1. YOU “SHOULD” FORGIVE.

Recently I attended a training about the topic of forgiveness and was prepared to bring back to my office a few wonderful handouts, worksheets, and poems to share with clients.  Boy was I wrong!  I learned much more about forgiveness and concepts of forgiveness than could be written on a worksheet.  For one, I’ve heard many people say that a person “should” forgive those who have hurt them in order to help themselves.  When we hold onto the hurts and resentments towards others, it only causes the person pain that is unwilling to forgive. 

I spent this past weekend in one of my favorite Southern cities, Charleston, SC. I haven't been there in several years and was so excited to be back. I love history and Charleston practically oozes it. From the gorgeous homes to the cobblestone streets to the beautiful waterfront, it's a place all history buffs should visit in their lifetime. I went there to run a half marathon and had a great race on Saturday. The weather was perfect, I felt great, and ran well. As I ran along during the race, I marvelled not only at the amazing architercture and scenery but also the resilience of this city. In the mid 1800's alone, it endured multiple fires, an earthquake and the Civil War.  I thought about the story of Charleston and how it's grown and changed over the last two hundred plus years. It's history is tainted with the terrible atrocity of slavery and the years of struggle for equality and fairness. Yet, it has remained a testament to resilience and rebirth. I see the power of perserverance and opportunity every time I visit. 

Am I ugly? Is a question most of us have asked ourselves at least once?  A few years ago there was a YouTube explosion as teens around the world were filming themselves and asking the opinion of public viewers. Some say it was an attempt to get attention, others say it comes from low self-esteem, and others suggest that it's due to lacking knowledge of what's shareable. After all, today’s social media has made it easy to share everything.

After reading a few of my colleagues’ recent blogs, I was compelled to continue the theme of focusing on the “new year” for 2016; however with a different twist.  As others mentioned, it is a common expectation to set personal goals at the beginning of each year and attempt to reach those by the end of December. If you are like me, I have set these goals early on and even after seeing progress, failed to complete some by the end of the calendar year.  While from the outside, it may seem as a lack of motivation or determination, I tend to see a different perspective.  While it is imperative to create personal goals and attempt to achieve them throughout the year, it is also important to create separate relationship goals with your significant other. Assessing your goals in relation to your partner’s and combining them to create new goals together can lead to a happier, more fulfilled relationship. 

As we end the year 2015 and look forward to a new year in 2016, I can’t help but reflect on this past year and think about what went well, goals I achieved, and what did not. We all know that many people set New Year’s resolutions only to have them fail and fizzle out by the end of January. I know I’ve done that a time or two. I read this morning that goals fail for two reasons: fear of failure and lack of motivation. If I want to earn a college degree, thinking about it isn’t going to get the degree, registering for the first class is. Or if I want to be healthier, sitting on the couch thinking about it and feeling guilty is not going to get me there, exercise and healthier eating is.

By: Dana Hampson, LPC-S, BCC

Each January, Runner’s World magazine (of which I am a subscriber) puts out their annual New Year, New You edition to kick the year off right. It’s chock full of articles and advice meant to motivate and inspire would-be runners to run and for experienced runners to take it to the next level, whatever that might be for each person. I like reading it. Sometimes I find something new and interesting. Since I’ve been running for over a decade now, most of the stuff I already know but it’s a good refresher. What it really does for me is encourages thought about what I’d like to do better as a runner, how I can improve in the next year, what I’ve done up until this point and what’s still on my bucket list to accomplish in the future.

Naughty or Nice? Exploring Realistic Discipline for Parent

Contributed by: Jessica D. Cleveland, M.S., LPC, NCC

It’s that time of year when we talk to our kids a lot about their behavior. We sing the song “You better not pout, you better not cry, because Santa Clause is coming to town, he’s making a list and checking it twice, he’s going to find out whose naughty and nice,” but how often do we encourage good behavior in our children other times during the year.

Simplify the Holidays

Contributed by Wendy Carlton

The holiday season is officially in full swing. While these months full of holiday spirit can be merry and bright, the holidays can be stressful and overwhelming. There are checklists of things to do and places to see -- light displays, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, and cookie swaps. Sometimes these “helpful resources” can feel like a frequent reminder of all of the things that you aren’t doing for your children and family. Every year gets a little busier, and possibly a little Pinterest-ier...

Ok...so, I'm cheating this week. I admit it. It's my week to write and I've allowed myself to be stretched too thin and as a result I'm late writing and have one too many things on my plate! But, as I tell many a client, these are the results of my choices and while I don't regret all the things I've been doing, I do recognize that I need to take a step back and slow it down. I preach mindfulness...it's important to practice it as well!

So, one way I'm taking a step back is by cheating a bit with blog content. I have had this article in my inbox for a year now waiting for the right moment to share it and today seems like the perfect day! We are fast approaching holiday season and New Year's Resolutions, so it seems timely to talk a bit about healthy habits. I'm borrowing this from the foodmatters.tv website. It's a great resource for healthy living that you might like to check out.

Enjoy! (and I promise my own content next time!)

On a weekly basis, I meet with parents who struggle to discipline their children effectively. In some cases, they are searching for a diagnosis to explain their child’s inappropriate behavior and in others, they are desperately looking for a way to control their child. While the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and related disorders can present themselves with negative behaviors, there are some ways to combat these. Parents can modify their children’s behavior with some easy principles and by using one word: CONSISTENCY.

Gratitude is a word I’ve heard many times in my life, many of which I brushed aside while feeling like no one understood how I felt.  If they did, they certainly wouldn’t use the word “gratitude”, a word I felt minimized and brushed aside what I was going through.  Those times when I left home early to arrive at the office early only to find road construction slowing me down or when I was mistreated by someone are the times I had difficulty finding gratitude in much of anything.

However, did you know that when we change our attitude from grumpy to grateful, it can change our lives from miserable to genuine deep down daily happiness? It’s true and research proves it time and again that people who practice gratitude in their daily lives live longer and lead fulfilling lives. Now, instead of feeling angry when I get stopped in a long line of road construction, I feel gratitude that we have roads to drive on and the means to repair those roads. If I feel mistreated by someone, I brush it off and am grateful I don’t treat people that way.

Creating peace and harmony within the family system seems to be a challenge that many families deal with on a daily basis. What if there was something that would help make it more harmonious and stable? Making time for our families may be difficult, but it’s necessary to be successful.

Family meetings build a foundation for long term benefits for your family. Hosting a weekly family meeting reminds your child they are loved and also an intricate member of something greater than themselves. Use these meetings throughout the year to connect, solve problems together, develop a vision for your family, and make plans. Family meetings can be altered and used throughout the years.