The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Naughty or Nice? Exploring Realistic Discipline for Parent

Contributed by: Jessica D. Cleveland, M.S., LPC, NCC

It’s that time of year when we talk to our kids a lot about their behavior. We sing the song “You better not pout, you better not cry, because Santa Clause is coming to town, he’s making a list and checking it twice, he’s going to find out whose naughty and nice,” but how often do we encourage good behavior in our children other times during the year.

Simplify the Holidays

Contributed by Wendy Carlton

The holiday season is officially in full swing. While these months full of holiday spirit can be merry and bright, the holidays can be stressful and overwhelming. There are checklists of things to do and places to see -- light displays, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, and cookie swaps. Sometimes these “helpful resources” can feel like a frequent reminder of all of the things that you aren’t doing for your children and family. Every year gets a little busier, and possibly a little Pinterest-ier...

Ok...so, I'm cheating this week. I admit it. It's my week to write and I've allowed myself to be stretched too thin and as a result I'm late writing and have one too many things on my plate! But, as I tell many a client, these are the results of my choices and while I don't regret all the things I've been doing, I do recognize that I need to take a step back and slow it down. I preach mindfulness...it's important to practice it as well!

So, one way I'm taking a step back is by cheating a bit with blog content. I have had this article in my inbox for a year now waiting for the right moment to share it and today seems like the perfect day! We are fast approaching holiday season and New Year's Resolutions, so it seems timely to talk a bit about healthy habits. I'm borrowing this from the foodmatters.tv website. It's a great resource for healthy living that you might like to check out.

Enjoy! (and I promise my own content next time!)

On a weekly basis, I meet with parents who struggle to discipline their children effectively. In some cases, they are searching for a diagnosis to explain their child’s inappropriate behavior and in others, they are desperately looking for a way to control their child. While the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and related disorders can present themselves with negative behaviors, there are some ways to combat these. Parents can modify their children’s behavior with some easy principles and by using one word: CONSISTENCY.

Gratitude is a word I’ve heard many times in my life, many of which I brushed aside while feeling like no one understood how I felt.  If they did, they certainly wouldn’t use the word “gratitude”, a word I felt minimized and brushed aside what I was going through.  Those times when I left home early to arrive at the office early only to find road construction slowing me down or when I was mistreated by someone are the times I had difficulty finding gratitude in much of anything.

However, did you know that when we change our attitude from grumpy to grateful, it can change our lives from miserable to genuine deep down daily happiness? It’s true and research proves it time and again that people who practice gratitude in their daily lives live longer and lead fulfilling lives. Now, instead of feeling angry when I get stopped in a long line of road construction, I feel gratitude that we have roads to drive on and the means to repair those roads. If I feel mistreated by someone, I brush it off and am grateful I don’t treat people that way.

Creating peace and harmony within the family system seems to be a challenge that many families deal with on a daily basis. What if there was something that would help make it more harmonious and stable? Making time for our families may be difficult, but it’s necessary to be successful.

Family meetings build a foundation for long term benefits for your family. Hosting a weekly family meeting reminds your child they are loved and also an intricate member of something greater than themselves. Use these meetings throughout the year to connect, solve problems together, develop a vision for your family, and make plans. Family meetings can be altered and used throughout the years.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

With Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, compulsions are seen as a way to reduce fear and doubt; they are most often identified by the client as being reasonable ways to help them cope. Continued compulsions actually exacerbate the fear and allow it to continually cycle through the mind of the individual, thus any relief gained from compulsions is only temporary. Exposure response prevention serves to lead an individual to a greater purpose for living by having them face and “fight” the fears for which they seek to “Flee” through repeated rituals and other obsessive/compulsive types of behavior.

In honor of Halloween this month....

My daughter is at the age where she LOVES Halloween...so much so that she was insisting on going to the Halloween Super Store (or HSS for short) in town last week (Yes, a full month early) to shop for her costume. Any later, and we run the very significant risk of them running out of all of the good costumes. So, off we go. If you haven't ever been to one of these super creepy, and a little disturbing, Halloween Mega Marts you should go one time in your life. I don't love 'em myself and Halloween's never been my favorite holiday (I'm much more of a turkey/Santa kind of girl) but it is an experience. And like any experience, I believe there's always a lesson or two to be learned. Here's what I got from this most recent adventure:

1. Just because there are lots of options, it doesn't mean they are all good choices. In the HSS, there is an overwhelming number of things to pick from. Scary, gory, funny, cute...you name it, they've got it. Fortunately for the mother of a 7 year old, most of the kids stuff is grouped at the front of the store so we didn't have to venture too far back and we were pretty quickly able to find a satisfactory costume. In life, we're often faced with a variety of options, some of which may just not be the right one for us. Being able to weigh the pros and cons of a decision is an important skill. Taking the time to think through what makes the most sense at the present moment then accepting our ability to decide helps to ensure, as much as possible, that the decision we're making is the best one.

Your Story Isn't Over Yet

Wendy Carlton, LPC

Life can be scary and unpredictable. And if an individual is faced with the challenges of depression, anxiety, or any other mental health issues, it can intensify that fear and shame. In the past couple of years that I have been working as a psychiatric screener, I have encountered several individuals reporting feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, rejection, bullying, suicide, self-injury, addiction, and abuse. While these stories are incredibly sad, they have also provided me with hope and inspiration. I no longer look at these individuals as hopeless. There’s undoubtedly hope for the individuals who are searching for help and guidance, whether it be in an emergency room, counselor’s office, or crisis online forum.

In lieu of the upcoming holidays, I felt compelled to blog about what it means to be thankful and furthermore, how to develop an attitude of gratitude. By now, you have probably heard the countdowns begin: 5 days until Halloween, 30 days until Thanksgiving and 59 days until Christmas. When hearing those numbers, it is easy for us to feel these days approaching quickly and often times, we feel stressed and crunched for time. With the Thanksgiving countdown, we are faced with planning a meal or organizing a family get together, while Christmas involves decorating our house, shopping for gifts, and many other special traditions. Even though these countdowns may prove helpful to some, I have recently found them to be more anxiety provoking, than useful to my life.