The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Naughty or Nice? Exploring Realistic Discipline for Parent

Contributed by: Jessica D. Cleveland, M.S., LPC, NCC

It’s that time of year when we talk to our kids a lot about their behavior. We sing the song “You better not pout, you better not cry, because Santa Clause is coming to town, he’s making a list and checking it twice, he’s going to find out whose naughty and nice,” but how often do we encourage good behavior in our children other times during the year.

Am I ugly? Is a question most of us have asked ourselves at least once?  A few years ago there was a YouTube explosion as teens around the world were filming themselves and asking the opinion of public viewers. Some say it was an attempt to get attention, others say it comes from low self-esteem, and others suggest that it's due to lacking knowledge of what's shareable. After all, today’s social media has made it easy to share everything.

In honor of Halloween this month....

My daughter is at the age where she LOVES Halloween...so much so that she was insisting on going to the Halloween Super Store (or HSS for short) in town last week (Yes, a full month early) to shop for her costume. Any later, and we run the very significant risk of them running out of all of the good costumes. So, off we go. If you haven't ever been to one of these super creepy, and a little disturbing, Halloween Mega Marts you should go one time in your life. I don't love 'em myself and Halloween's never been my favorite holiday (I'm much more of a turkey/Santa kind of girl) but it is an experience. And like any experience, I believe there's always a lesson or two to be learned. Here's what I got from this most recent adventure:

1. Just because there are lots of options, it doesn't mean they are all good choices. In the HSS, there is an overwhelming number of things to pick from. Scary, gory, funny, cute...you name it, they've got it. Fortunately for the mother of a 7 year old, most of the kids stuff is grouped at the front of the store so we didn't have to venture too far back and we were pretty quickly able to find a satisfactory costume. In life, we're often faced with a variety of options, some of which may just not be the right one for us. Being able to weigh the pros and cons of a decision is an important skill. Taking the time to think through what makes the most sense at the present moment then accepting our ability to decide helps to ensure, as much as possible, that the decision we're making is the best one.

On a weekly basis, I meet with parents who struggle to discipline their children effectively. In some cases, they are searching for a diagnosis to explain their child’s inappropriate behavior and in others, they are desperately looking for a way to control their child. While the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder and related disorders can present themselves with negative behaviors, there are some ways to combat these. Parents can modify their children’s behavior with some easy principles and by using one word: CONSISTENCY.

Gratitude is a word I’ve heard many times in my life, many of which I brushed aside while feeling like no one understood how I felt.  If they did, they certainly wouldn’t use the word “gratitude”, a word I felt minimized and brushed aside what I was going through.  Those times when I left home early to arrive at the office early only to find road construction slowing me down or when I was mistreated by someone are the times I had difficulty finding gratitude in much of anything.

However, did you know that when we change our attitude from grumpy to grateful, it can change our lives from miserable to genuine deep down daily happiness? It’s true and research proves it time and again that people who practice gratitude in their daily lives live longer and lead fulfilling lives. Now, instead of feeling angry when I get stopped in a long line of road construction, I feel gratitude that we have roads to drive on and the means to repair those roads. If I feel mistreated by someone, I brush it off and am grateful I don’t treat people that way.

As a mother and father of young children my husband and I often ponder the questions: How will our children remember us when we’re gone? What will they take with them that helps them become successful in this life? How do we build meaningful relationships with them now that last, thus leaving them with a legacy that impacts their life and the lives of others in a positive way?

As a mother and father of young children my husband and I often ponder the questions: How will our children remember us when we’re gone? What will they take with them that helps them become successful in this life? How do we build meaningful relationships with them now that last, thus leaving them with a legacy that impacts their life and the lives of others in a positive way?

As a mother and father of young children my husband and I often ponder the questions? How will our children remember us when we’re gone? What will they take with them that helps them become successful in this life? How do we build meaningful relationships with them now that last, thus leaving them with a legacy that impacts their life and the lives of others in a positive way?

My husband, daughter and I just returned from a vacation in Florida where we hit up Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios and Epcot. We had a great time and found that spending time at parks such as these with the throngs of other families and long lines is much easier with an 8 year old than a 3 year old, as was the case when we ventured to Disney for the first time. Always the observer of people, I found an amazing variety of folks to watch. And like I tend to do, I found lessons to be learned everywhere I looked. I thought these might be fun to share with you so here you are.

I recently attended a leadership training conference where one of the speakers made the statement, “Close minded Leaders, Close Minds.”

Most of us, at different times in our life, have struggled with self-esteem issues. The definition of self-esteem is a concept that is extremely subjective, but is vital in our development as a person.  Starting from a young age, we are strongly influenced by others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. As I was doing research the past few weeks for an upcoming event at a local school, I studied some of the facts of bullying and how it can shape children’s self-esteem.  I found that nearly 1 out of 4 children are bullied at their school and these bullying victims are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and poor school adjustment.  I also found that youth victimized by their peers were 2.4 times more likely to report suicidal ideation and 3.3 times more likely to report a suicide attempt than youth who reported not being bullied.

Simplify the Holidays

Contributed by Wendy Carlton

The holiday season is officially in full swing. While these months full of holiday spirit can be merry and bright, the holidays can be stressful and overwhelming. There are checklists of things to do and places to see -- light displays, Santa, Elf on the Shelf, and cookie swaps. Sometimes these “helpful resources” can feel like a frequent reminder of all of the things that you aren’t doing for your children and family. Every year gets a little busier, and possibly a little Pinterest-ier...

Creating peace and harmony within the family system seems to be a challenge that many families deal with on a daily basis. What if there was something that would help make it more harmonious and stable? Making time for our families may be difficult, but it’s necessary to be successful.

Family meetings build a foundation for long term benefits for your family. Hosting a weekly family meeting reminds your child they are loved and also an intricate member of something greater than themselves. Use these meetings throughout the year to connect, solve problems together, develop a vision for your family, and make plans. Family meetings can be altered and used throughout the years.

I sat in a restaurant the other day and overheard a mother speaking harsh words to her elementary age child (10 years old or so).  She said in a rude tone, “you are so stupid!” and not only did it make me sad and feel protective of her child, it made me think about the power of words we speak. 

In honor of TBL’s fourth birthday, I wanted to write my blog today on one of the reason’s we have enjoyed such a great four years in existence. This reason is my husband, who happens to be a really, really good guy.