The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Am I ugly? Is a question most of us have asked ourselves at least once?  A few years ago there was a YouTube explosion as teens around the world were filming themselves and asking the opinion of public viewers. Some say it was an attempt to get attention, others say it comes from low self-esteem, and others suggest that it's due to lacking knowledge of what's shareable. After all, today’s social media has made it easy to share everything.

When I was in college pursuing my undergraduate degree back in the day, I had a real problem with procrastination. 

Let’s be honest.  We all struggle with comparing ourselves to others.  We compare relationships, accomplishments, physical appearance, intelligence, money—and the list goes on and on.  At times, this comparison leads us to believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

There have been many times in counseling sessions I have used the quote, “In a world where you can be anyone, just be yourself.” Seems cliché, but there are a lot of ways we can apply this simple statement in our daily lives.

Originally, I sat down to write this as a letter to my former self to express kindness, validation, and reassurance. But I would also like to pen this as a send-off, a good bye letter, a farewell to my past toxic relationship.

My last blog entry was on the topic of comparisons and how this robs a person of joy. 

It’s that transitional time of the year again when summer break is officially winding down and there are less than two weeks before most schools start back.  For parents, it is sometimes a relief for their kids to go back to school, but for children and adolescents, it can be a feeling of dread to get back into the routine of schoolwork and waking up early. 

If I were to ask you the first thought that comes into your head when you think about your body, is it a positive thought or a negative one? Chances are, it’s negative.

Much of our time and energy is devoted to problem-solving and decision making. A problem is defined as any situation for which we don’t have a ready, immediate response.

I have a confession to make. I am NOT perfect, nor do I have my stuff together 100% of the time. Actually, if I had to estimate on my best days I’m probably tracking at 75% of my stuff being together. I too forget things, procrastinate, and/or engage in other totally human behavior. I've found that life is much more enjoyable and my relationships are better when I give myself and others a break for being less than perfect. Also playing “Patty Perfect” is exhausting. Below you will find ways to give yourself and others a break when we fall short. 

Just take a moment and consider how many “true friends” you have? And don’t count the 500 plus social media “friends” you claim. How many can you name? And how do you know they are “true friends?”

Let’s be honest, we all struggle with comparing ourselves to others. We compare relationships, accomplishments, physical appearance, intelligence, money—and the list goes on and on.

Lower your expectations of yourself. Wait…what? You heard me! Inhale a gigantic breath, exhale, and repeat after me, “I will give myself grace. I will lower my expectations of myself. I will understand that this does not mean that I have low standards or that I will not encourage myself to meet my goals and push my limits. I deserve self-compassion.”

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?  Sound familiar?  The evil Queen in Disney’s Snow White repeated this every day, and every day that the mirror replied “You, oh Queen!” she was happy as could be.

Most of us, at different times in our life, have struggled with self-esteem issues. The definition of self-esteem is a concept that is extremely subjective, but is vital in our development as a person.  Starting from a young age, we are strongly influenced by others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. As I was doing research the past few weeks for an upcoming event at a local school, I studied some of the facts of bullying and how it can shape children’s self-esteem.  I found that nearly 1 out of 4 children are bullied at their school and these bullying victims are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and poor school adjustment.  I also found that youth victimized by their peers were 2.4 times more likely to report suicidal ideation and 3.3 times more likely to report a suicide attempt than youth who reported not being bullied.

If you are reading this blog on the day that it is published, then you’re taking a moment out of your Monday. What do Mondays typically look like for you? What are your goals for the week? Do you have a lengthy “to do” list?

I've been thinking about what I would write about when it was my turn to blog, and it came to me while driving the other day and listening to one of my favorite signer/songwriters, Sara Bareilles. Sara has an amazing ability to write song lyrics that cut right to an issue and you feel it right along with her. In her song, "She Used To Be Mine", the woman in the song is filled with regret and longing for the person she was in her youth.

How often have you had a thought in your head that can’t seem to come out right in conversations with others? Most of us either convey things a little too harshly than we intended or the ideas of our mind never seem to leave our brains leaving us feeling regret for the things we did not say.  In many facets of our lives, we are faced with social settings in which interjecting our opinion is necessary to our emotional well-being.  Unfortunately, often times, those opinions get lost in translation and are not perceived well by those we wish to disclose them to. 

I sat in a restaurant the other day and overheard a mother speaking harsh words to her elementary age child (10 years old or so).  She said in a rude tone, “you are so stupid!” and not only did it make me sad and feel protective of her child, it made me think about the power of words we speak. 

I’ve heard time and again that “today’s generation” is on technology and electronic devices too much these days.  Whether it’s Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Stream Video Gaming, etc., young people of today get the blame.  However, research shows that people of all ages share, read, and post on social media venues frequently.  And if you walk the streets of any U.S. city all the way to downtown Hong Kong, you’ll find many people staring at their phones and not apologizing for it.