The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Sometimes, it's just better to let someone who's experienced something powerful share that experience first hand rather than try to say it for them, so that's what I'm doing (with permission, of course) today for my blog post.

Us therapists can tell you all day long why you should go to counseling and why it's great and how much it can change your life in a profoundly positive way. We are good at tooting our own horns in that regard. But, when you hear it straight from someone who has lived it, there just is something infinitely more powerful and beautiful in those heartfelt words. The following blog entry is written by a client of mine who is vocal about her experience in therapy and how it's impacted her. She wouldn't even mind if I shared her name in my blog, but to protect her, I'm not doing that. I am, however, honored to share this and while she's writing about her personal journey and the role I've played in it, this isn't about me. It's about the power of believing that you as a person are "strong, important and brave"...something my client finally learned about herself. Having a therapeutic relationship with someone who helps you realize these powerful principles about yourself can be life-changing. Here's what one special lady had to say: 

When I started the Teen Program at our local library, I thought I would be hosting book clubs and helping kids with homework and talking about Harry Potter a lot. I had no idea that I had embarked on the greatest learning experience of my life, and that my story, my comfortable narrative that I had built around me like an emotional fence, was about to change.

The energy the kids emit when they burst through the library doors is gigantic.They are these incredibly wonderful, complex people who feel things so deeply and are grappling with their identities in a world they can’t control. The compassion that I see from these kids needs to be bottled and handed out to adults who have forgotten (or never learned) how to be good friends. Knowing how wonderful these kids are makes it even more heartbreaking when I see them struggle with their self-esteem. It’s not the rich kids or the poor kids or the kids who go to this school or that school or homeschool or the kids who go to church or don’t go to church or have good relationships with their parents or never see their father. It’s all of them. Every. Single. One. They don’t know yet that the things that make them weird are also what makes them wonderful, and that in the future these difficult days will be memories that they’ll use to help build the confidence of their own kids. They only know how they feel right now, and right now things kind of suck.

I decided that one of the best things that I could do to help them was simply to communicate with them. I can’t fix all of their problems, but I can listen to them talk about them. Over time they’ve learned that when they come into a Teen event and I ask them what’s new or if they had a good day that they need to settle in because I expect more than a grunt or a three word answer. It’s probably pretty annoying sometimes, but I don’t care. I tell them that they need to speak up because what they’re saying is important. I tell them that they don’t have to wait on someone else’s permission to feel happy or sad. I remind them that their feelings are valid, even if they feel like no one understands them right now. I beg them to know that they are loved and valued, and that they need to cut themselves some slack.

And then one day while I was in the middle of my list of mantras, rattling off all of these things that are supposedly so fundamentally important to me, repeating the words that I say over and over because I so desperately need these kids to believe them to be true, I had a realization: I have never said them to myself. Never. Not even once. Maybe they just don’t apply to me, I thought. That has to be it. These are things that I need to say to other people because I want to be an encourager, because I want young people to feel good about themselves and grow up to be happy, self-confident adults. The words are mine, but they’re not for me. Yes, that makes sense.

Fast forward a few months to the first Conquering Life retreat. I was at a workshop about effective communication, and Dana Hampson, a counselor with The Balanced Life, was talking about how we give and receive information. She said we only have control over our part of the transaction, and our words should always come from a place of kindness. The same principle applies to our inner dialogue, and we should speak to ourselves with the same respect and compassion that we would use when speaking to other people. Engaging in positive self-talk is one of the most important things that we can do for ourselves.

Those words had a profound effect on me. I’m sure I’d heard it before, maybe read it in a book or was listening when someone else was talking about something similar, but when this counselor said it, I BELIEVED IT. I wanted to apply it. I wanted to think about things that I liked about myself and then give myself a mental high-five. I had been all tangled up in my feelings of being inadequate, and I was ready to break free of that. It was not just time to tell myself that I’m enough, that I am loved and valued, that I am capable of amazing things: it was time for me to listen to it, as well.

I had never really considered therapy before, but I had finally given myself permission to feel vulnerable and acknowledge that I’m extremely hard on myself. Dana has been my therapist for over a year and a half now, and I feel like a brand new person. I’m able to approach difficult situations in a healthier way. I’ve learned that when I have compassion for myself, the people I love benefit from it, too. I have set boundaries and limits that keep me from becoming emotionally exhausted. Any hesitation that I had about the stigma of counseling has disappeared, and I’m very proud of myself for taking the steps necessary to become a happier, more confident person.

Now when I tell my library kids that they are important and strong and brave, I feel like it’s more than just words. It’s the way that I am, and it’s the way that they’ll be one day, too. It’s not something that will happen on their 18th birthday or when they graduate college or when they get married; it’s something that will happen when they’re ready to receive it, when they’re ready to believe the message of love that they didn’t even know they needed to speak. It’s going to be part of their story, just like it’s finally part of mine.

Making that first call or sending that initial email to ask about counseling is scary. We get it. But that first step is one of many that will be a part of the journey towards a happier, peaceful, more aware you. It's worth it and we're ready when you are. Give us a call at 256-258-7777 or email at info@thebalancedlifellc.com.