The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

My last blog entry was on the topic of comparisons and how this robs a person of joy. 

Today’s subject matter goes right along side comparisons and is all about acceptance.  When I was in college, I had a hard time with both, especially accepting myself as-is.  I was never quite skinny enough, fashionable enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or “in” enough.  Because of never quite accepting myself as I was, it led to poor decision making, procrastination, and constantly putting myself down internally.  Many years later as a counselor, I hear the same themes running through many clients, as well as friends and family, who struggle with acceptance of themselves and the choices they’ve made over the years.

Our choices, behaviors, thoughts, and upbringing all contribute to our value systems and who we are today.  If our values and actions do not match, most people begin to feel “off” or bad about themselves.  I know that’s what happened to me when I was in college.  And in turn, it made me (and many others) deny acceptance of self.  While we do need to listen to our gut instinct to help us get back on the right track when we are not making good choices, we also need to give ourselves a little grace and forgiveness to make a few mistakes along the way.  When we can’t or won’t do that, it leads to denial of self-acceptance and we can be hard on ourselves as a result.

When we are hard on ourselves because we are not making good choices or living the life we envisioned, it is confusing and fills us with guilt and shame.  I’d procrastinate writing a paper in college, for example, and wake up the next morning filled with self-loathing and I felt extra guilty, embarrassed and ashamed that I hadn’t done what I was supposed to do.  I’d beat myself up internally and remind myself of how I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable, and wasn’t smart enough.  I guess I thought that would make me change into something better, but it never did.

It was only when we learn the words of wisdom spoken by Carl Rogers, the father of Person Centered Theory, who said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”  Or those of Louise L. Hay, who shared, “Remember you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked.  Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”  By following these great words of wisdom and specific tools to accept oneself (listed below), maybe we can begin on the path of self discovery, acceptance, and internal joy.

1. Gain awareness of yourself and embrace who we are, which is a great start to self-acceptance. 
2. Appreciation for my own strengths and weaknesses is equally important, knowing that we all have them and it is our weaknesses that propel us towards change and improvements.  What a boring world it would be if everyone was perfect! 
3. Remembering things are exactly as they are supposed to be in this moment, including myself, is a powerful way of thinking and moving towards acceptance of self. 
4. Stop procrastinating! Easier said than done sometimes, but it will help the overall feeling of self love. 
5. Make wise choices and act on them.  If you feel better about your choices and behavior, you’ll feel better overall. 
6. Knowing that my imperfect self is good enough, that my mistakes made me who I am today, and that I am worthy of internal joy and peace, no matter what I used to think of myself is a powerful movement towards acceptance of self. 
7. And lastly, realize I cannot control things outside myself, not past or future, not my loved ones, and not anything else except my own self.
8. Last and perhaps the most important, unburden yourself of past secrets.  Tell someone the truth about what has been ailing you and begin to let go.  The saying, “we are only as sick as our secrets” is true and often we make it out to be worse than what it is.

If you or someone you know needs help with acceptance, please call Holly or any of one of our qualified counselors at The Balanced Life, LLC at (256) 258-7777.  We are here to help you find that internal peace you long for.