The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Disclaimer: This blog contains subject material that may be unsettling to those who do not have experience with the subject matter. Please be aware that this blog is intended to inspire, rather than create worry or fear.

“He took his own life.” Those five words knocked the wind out of my chest. I sank to the floor. I remember looking into my husband’s face, with tears welling up in my eyes and my ear pressed up against the phone as she told me that he was gone. He was dead. We don’t know why. We don’t know how. He is gone. Please tell your husband.

It’s hard to even remember what was said. I could feel the blood coursing through the veins my ears and audibly hear my heart thumping. I knew this was a trauma response, and that I would breathe momentarily. But, I didn’t want to say the words to my husband or see his reaction when learning that his dear friend had completed suicide. You read that right. Completed. Not committed. Suicide scares people so badly that instead of learning about it, talking about it, and working to prevent it, they avoid it. This is counterintuitive and deadly. The more you turn a blind eye to the suffering of others, the more likely they are to feel that much more worthless, hopeless, and like the world would be better off without their presence.

But, tragically, we see what we want to see. When we see a loved one who has struggled with depression seemingly happier, feeling at ease about their future, buying gifts for loved ones, and donating things to others…we think, “How wonderful! [Insert loved one’s name here] is healing and planning! What a relief!” Ironically, these very signs that seem to indicate progress in a positive direction are also hallmarks for an impending suicide attempt.

If you are reading this and have felt deep within your soul that those around you would be better off without you: you are wrong. After I shared with my husband that his irreplaceable friend had died by suicide, I tried my best to shakily explain the deep and irreversible pain that he must have felt. He wasn’t abandoning his beloved wife and precious children. He was seeking peace. But instead, he unintentionally transferred his heartache to them. Their hearts will always be broken. Will they heal, and grow, and thrive? Yes. But the excruciating agony of his loss is felt now, in the wake of his passing, and will continue to pervade the lives of his survivors every day. Grief softens. We get through it. We never “get over it.” We are never the same after we lose someone. Suicidal ideation robs the person suffering of the ability to see out of the pitch black darkness.

My hope for all of you who read and share this blog is that you put aside your fear of the bleakness and morbidity that accompany the thought of depression, self-loathing, and suicide. If we do not advocate for suicide awareness and prevention then we are part of the problem. Our friends, family, colleagues, children…they all deserve a chance at life. Where there is life, there is hope. Once our fragile lives are extinguished, we cannot undo this. There are no second chances. Survival can feel insurmountable when you are drowning in anguish, slowly sinking and struggling to breathe. It is up to those of us who bear witness to this suffering to see it, truly see it. And instead of turning away, punch one pinhole of light into that blackness and help guide that person to safety. There is hope, and help, and freedom right here on Earth.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Services of North Alabama: 256-716-1000

Survivors of Suicide resources: http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/

If you or someone you love has struggled with suicide, complicated grief, or trauma, you may also call Michaela Whitehead, LPC at The Balanced Life, LLC for additional resources and support: 256-258-7777, ext. 106 or MWhitehead@TheBalancedLifeLLC.com