The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

As my family was sitting down to dinner a few years ago, I noticed that my eldest daughter was repeatedly saying, or projecting, negative things into the future. “I’m probably not even going to have enough time to finish my dinner, am I?” She shifted in her seat, intentionally stuck out her bottom lip a little further, and focused her gaze down toward the table.

“Emma…,” I said, “Do you want that to be true? If not, then why are you saying that to yourself?”

She continued, saying, “You’re probably not even going to let us have desert…!” I cut her off. “Actually, Emma, I was just sitting here wondering if we were going to have ice cream or cookies as an option for desert tonight… but now I’m thinking we should just skip it.” And as I began explaining about the phenomenon of the self-fulfilling prophecy, my five-year-old (who had been quietly and intently listening this whole time) stepped in with a decidedly shorter version and a very serious look on her face.

“Our minds are really powerful,” she says with this look of extreme sincerity and certainty and then turns to look directly at me. “Right, Mom?”

She’s SO right! Our minds are so powerful that they’re either our way toward success through the fulfillment of purpose on this planet or they’re our own personal prisons with walls woven from our spoken and unspoken words. Every day, in every way, we are either strengthening the confines of our cage or building the bridge we need to escape. With every thought we have an opportunity to make a different choice and change the trajectory of our lives.

When most people think of a self-fulfilling prophecy, they see it as a bad thing. It’s actually just a phenomenon that isn’t bad or good. We just tend to think of negative examples, like being so sure that someone is mad at you so you ask them over and over, “Are you mad at me? … Are you mad? Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” until finally they ARE mad at you and then you can continue on your merry way, content with the knowledge that you were correct but never stopping to consider whether or not they would have been mad at you if you hadn’t asked. The self-fulfilling prophecy is simply making a prediction about the future and then believing in it so strongly that we make our version of the future … a reality.

Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck and trapped as though you’re in a small, empty room with no doors or windows and, ultimately, no exit. If we believe there’s no exit, then we don’t usually even look for one (even though it might be glaringly obvious to someone else). Instead, we settle into something that Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman called “learned helplessness” from his work in the late 1960’s at the University of Pennsylvania. Thankfully, Dr. Seligman’s work didn’t stop with studying the feeling of helplessness. Because he noticed that there was a small percentage that never gave up no matter what, he set about figuring out HOW that same ability to bounce back (resiliency) could be taught and ultimately learned! This led to his writing Learned Optimism (2006), The Optimistic Child (2007), Flourish (2012) and The Hope Circuit (2018).

It’s so incredibly important to learn to be positive and optimistic not only because it allows us to it feels good, but also because it helps us stay in our thinking minds and not swept away by emotions so that we can be thoughtfully responsiveness and not simply emotionally reactive. When we’re positive, … we can identify possible solutions more readily and problem-solve more easily and more quickly which means that we are more likely to be successful, no matter what the endeavor.

Pessimists will look at a “bad” situation and see it as permanent (“It’s ruined!”), pervasive (“EVERYTHING is ruined!”), and personal (“… And it’s all MY fault!”). In order to be more optimistic, you simply apply those 3P’s to a “good” situation and then give a “bad” situation a little T.L.C., which stands for temporary (“This too shall pass.”), local (“Well, it was just this one that I did poorly on.”), and changeable (“I’ll learn more about it and do better next time.”).

Here’s Maggie’s Sticky-Note Version because I will often jot this information down on a sticky note for my clients to take home with them and focus on and practice. And, in keeping the self-fulfilling prophecy in mind, let’s plan to be self-fulfilling OPTIMISTS!  Let us help you with becoming more optimistic! Call 256.258.7777 or email info@thebalancedlifellc.com. 

OPTIMISM                  Pessimism

Personal                      Temporary

Pervasive                    Local

Permanent                 Changeable

(The 3 P’s)                   (little T L C)