The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Lower your expectations of yourself. Wait…what? You heard me! Inhale a gigantic breath, exhale, and repeat after me, “I will give myself grace. I will lower my expectations of myself. I will understand that this does not mean that I have low standards or that I will not encourage myself to meet my goals and push my limits. I deserve self-compassion.”

Now, what does this mean to YOU when you recite those statements? Are you confused? Are you wondering what lowered expectations have to do with leading a more balanced life? Imagine feeling constant internal pressure about not being enough. Not strong enough. Not motivated enough. Not productive enough. Just not good enough…at anything or for anybody, least of all yourself.

Imagining a constant refrain in your head of worry, self-doubt, rumination, and perfectionism is EXHAUSTING, right? This is where the empathy piece comes in; try and put yourself directly into the mind of someone who experiences these thoughts and feelings all day, every day.

Perfectionism is not a positive character trait. It does not mean that someone works hard and pays attention to detail. Being a perfectionist is not something that feels enjoyable; it feels torturous to never be enough or do enough, and to always worry that something you have done or said isn’t good enough or “right.” If your expectations for yourself are unreachable, you will suffer consistent anxiety, disappointment, and frustration trying to achieve an unrealistic and impossible standard.

How can you lower your expectations of yourself while keeping your standards high and your hopes still higher? Well, to be frank, I learn more about this each day, both through my own experiences and during each interaction I have with my clients. Any time I question whether or not I am going down the perfectionistic rabbit hole, I check in with myself to see whether I am hairsplitting or instead simply being attentive to the importance of whatever task is at hand. I am relieved to report that, after much practice, I am quickly able to determine whether the culprit of my dissatisfaction is perfectionism, and if so, how to practice active self-compassion to rectify that unhealthy mindset.

So, take a moment to ask yourself, “how can I lower my expectations and keep my standards high?” I encourage you to find time to examine how you speak to yourself, treat yourself, and take care of yourself. Lower your expectations. Raise your standards of self-care. Give yourself a break. You’ve got this!

Michaela Whitehead, LPC is a therapist with The Balanced Life. Her specialty areas of practice include eating disorders, trauma, bereavement, and women’s issues. If you are struggling with perfectionism and would like help, feel free to reach out to Michaela at 256-258-7777 or MWhitehead@TheBalancedLifeLLC.com.