The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Well friends, here we are in the middle of the holiday season. Many of us are busy preparing for a new year and reflecting on this past one.

For some the holidays bring thoughts of peace, magic, joy, kindness, and love. Holidays are filled with gifts, greeting cards, parties, decorations, meals with friends and family, etc. You get the picture! For others the holidays may not feel so magical. They can be a reminder of loved ones who are no longer living. An empty seat at the dinner table, a holiday photo missing a familiar face, a beloved pet who no longer snuggles with us on cold nights, gifts that can no longer be given or received. The list goes on and on. 

My family is quite familiar with grieving during the holidays. You see, we lost my sweet and amazing husband to cancer in September of 2020, so we had to experience the “firsts” without him this past year. I had a front row seat to watching all of us bumble our way through the holidays, carrying our grief along like the unwanted fruit cake that no one ever eats, but is still at every gathering.

Friends, I want you to know that it’s okay to grieve and to give yourself space to feel all of the emotions. In Megan Devine’s book It’s OK That You’re Not OK she states, “Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form.” This resonates with me because the holidays are a time of remembering the ones we love. But how do we handle it when love feels too wild and painful? Here are some tips to remember during the holidays.

1. Only do what feels right. It’s up to you which activities and traditions you can handle. You are not obligated to participate in anything that does not feel doable. You also don’t owe anyone an explanation. Always remember that “No” is a complete statement.
2. Decide which traditions you want to keep and which ones to change. Perhaps add in a tradition in memory of your loved one.
3. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Identify friends and relatives who will allow you to talk openly about your loved one.
4. Give yourself permission to grieve. I call this one “riding the waves of grief.” Sometimes we try to ignore the feelings and put on a strong face, but this often has negative consequences as feelings can not be pushed down for long. Allow yourself space to feel the loss.
5. Have patience and grace with yourself. This journey is rocky and dark at times. There will be moments that you feel as if you’ve taken one step forwards and two steps back, and that is perfectly normal and okay.
6. Skip it. I recognize that this may not always be possible, especially if you have little ones. However, it’s okay to skip all or parts of holiday celebrations that feel overwhelming. 
7. Replace the word but with and. This has been a game changer for me. Instead of saying “I want to enjoy the holidays BUT I miss my loved one” try saying “I want to enjoy the holidays AND I miss my loved one.” There is space for joy along with grief.

This list is just a snippet of ideas for how to survive this season. Everyone’s grief journey is unique, so find what works best for you. I encourage you to reach out and find support during this time of year, whether through trusted friends, family, or your therapist. Please feel free to contact me at Gina@thebalancedlifellc.com or (256) 258-7777 x 106 if I can be of any assistance.