The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

How often have you had a thought in your head that can’t seem to come out right in conversations with others? Most of us either convey things a little too harshly than we intended or the ideas of our mind never seem to leave our brains leaving us feeling regret for the things we did not say.  In many facets of our lives, we are faced with social settings in which interjecting our opinion is necessary to our emotional well-being.  Unfortunately, often times, those opinions get lost in translation and are not perceived well by those we wish to disclose them to. 

I have a handful of clients that have treatment goals associated with communicating more efficiently and getting their thoughts across more effectively. This concept, assertiveness is defined many ways, but in the counseling realm refers to a social and communication skill in which a person stands up for his or her own opinions, beliefs, thoughts in a positive way.  To become assertive in conversation, we must function in between this passive and aggressive spectrum, which proves to be difficult in day to day life.  I would encourage you to take a moment to figure out where you are on the scale—for example, one who is too aggressive tends to state their opinion and attack others in a harsh manner, not taking into account the needs or wants of others. Alternatively, someone who communicates passively may avoid expressing their true feelings and forego their opinions to satisfy the wants and needs of others. In any social setting, whether it be dealing with a boss at work or addressing an issue with your spouse, mastering this social skill will prove to be beneficial in each relationship you engage in.

Here are some tips to find your balance and communicate in an assertive and positive manner:

  Look introspectively and be aware of your thoughts and feelings before conveying them in conversation to others.

  Use I statements to state what you are thinking or feeling such as “I feel sad when you….” or “I would prefer if we….”

  Notice when you are responding passively by saying “I don’t know” or “It doesn’t matter.” and take some time to develop an opinion on what another person in asking.

  Keep in mind that your opinions and ideas are just as important as others and that others value your thoughts.

  Be mindful of others body language when you are speaking—if communicating too aggressively, seek to step back from the situation and hear the others opinions of thoughts objectively.

  Pay attention to when you disagree with someone and try not to put down the other person’s point of view, but find common ground in the issue, with still asserting your opinion.

One last take away—Being assertive means you are confident in who you are and believe in yourself! Communicating assertively is a skill that can build your self-esteem and foster positive relationships in your life. 

If you'd like help with learning to communicate more effectively, give us a call today at 256.258.7777. We're here to help you improve your relationships!