Good friends are hard to find: Are you really connecting with others?
- by Jessica Cleveland, LPC
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in Relationships
Just take a moment and consider how many “true friends” you have? And don’t count the 500 plus social media “friends” you claim. How many can you name? And how do you know they are “true friends?”
This is a question that has risen time and time again in my practice for all people, in all stages of life. The young, the middle aged, and the old. I often ask about my client’s social lives, including their hobbies, friends, and how much time they spend engaging in “face to face” interaction with peers, family, and others. There is a tendency to fabricate this time, and it is usually followed by…”but I spend a lot of time chatting online or on Facebook, Instagram, twitter, snap chat, texting etc.”
So I find myself asking this question. Has life really gotten so busy and our schedules so important that we only have time to text, face book message, tweet, or chat for a few minutes each day with those we claim to have friendship or connection with, or are we just using it as a point of contact and convincing ourselves that we’re building meaningful relationships, when in fact these relationships are shallow at best? Just ponder this question for a minute, along with the questions listed below:
What is a happening in the life of your “friend (s)?”
How are they doing?
Do you know who they really are?
When was the last time you spoke face to face?
Where are you in your relationship with them and is the relationship growing?
In his presentations on leadership, Dr. Henry Cloud frequently references a study on monkeys. In this study the scientists initially put the monkeys in a cage alone under certain stressors. This resulted in chaos. They then added a buddy to each monkey’s cage, kept the same stressors, and then tested certain cortisol levels in the monkey brain. They found that the stress level dropped by approximately 50% and the monkeys stopped screaming and trying to escape the cages.
When you are going through life and feel the spiral of stress starting, take time to really connect with others “face to face” when possible. It will change your life. If you have difficulty engaging socially and would like to learn more about social anxiety and the value of positive social interaction, give me a call at 256-258-7777 ext. 103.
