Negative Self-Talk: Exploring ways to deflate negative self-talk in your Teen
- by Jessica Cleveland, LPC
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in Family
Am I ugly? Is a question most of us have asked ourselves at least once? A few years ago there was a YouTube explosion as teens around the world were filming themselves and asking the opinion of public viewers. Some say it was an attempt to get attention, others say it comes from low self-esteem, and others suggest that it's due to lacking knowledge of what's shareable. After all, today’s social media has made it easy to share everything.
The reason behind these disturbing videos could possibly be related to the reasons listed above. However, it is important to also consider that adolescence is a trying time of self-learning and figuring out where one fits into society. Therefore, it is crucial to direct adolescent’s attention away for what others think, and move them to focus on their own thoughts, knowledge, and values.
To do this, an adolescent may need to explore "What they are" (for example, "I am lovable and capable") list the reasons why they think this is true or untrue about them and challenge any mistaken beliefs. They must question whether or not their thinking of themselves is useful or not. If a thought process is not helping you reach a positive goal, then it is not useful. Therefore, it should be disregarded, and the adolescent should re-focus on a task that helps them reach a productive goal.
They also need to identify "What they are learning," (for example, I am learning to let go of doubt's and fears) and begin to identify behaviors that help them accomplish goals.
Making a list of things they need (for example, "I need companionship with peers," or I need more understanding from parents and teachers,") may be useful to help them identify goals and plans to reach those goals. They may require assertive training, which can be taught in a counseling setting, or they may just need to be encouraged by a helpful parent, peer, or adult.
Last but not least, it is crucial that adolescents learn how to deal with Criticism in an objective fashion. This occurs in two steps:
1. They must evaluate the source or criticism- Ask themselves, "Does this person no enough about me, my skills, and abilities to criticize me?" "Do they have a bias?" If so, this person is not qualified to criticize them.
2. It is also important to ask for details-Do not accept blanket criticism. Ask the person to be specific about what actions he or she thinks you need to take to improve your performance.
These strategies serve to only build up the individual in a realistic, logical way. We all must first know who we are, what we think, and what we value before we seek the opinions of others and start building our life around them.
