The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Most of us, at different times in our life, have struggled with self-esteem issues. The definition of self-esteem is a concept that is extremely subjective, but is vital in our development as a person.  Starting from a young age, we are strongly influenced by others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. As I was doing research the past few weeks for an upcoming event at a local school, I studied some of the facts of bullying and how it can shape children’s self-esteem.  I found that nearly 1 out of 4 children are bullied at their school and these bullying victims are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and poor school adjustment.  I also found that youth victimized by their peers were 2.4 times more likely to report suicidal ideation and 3.3 times more likely to report a suicide attempt than youth who reported not being bullied.

 As I studied these facts, they allowed me to take a moment to reflect on my own childhood and how this topic affected my development. What I found, or rather did not find while thinking of my past, is something that was notable to mention and is consequently what led me to write this blog post.  When I tried to look back, I could remember specific bullying events, but surprisingly could not remember how these events emotionally affected me at the time.  As I reflected, I was quite sure the emotional effects were present during childhood and adolescence, but what resonated most with me, was that I was unable to recall them in adulthood. 

Why do I believe this is true?  Fortunately, as a child, I was given an abundant amount of positive praise and verbal affirmation from my parents and other key role models.  As I came home repeating the negative comments I heard at school to my Mom and Dad, I remember them debunking the negativity and replacing those with positive things that were personal to me.  While non-appreciative at the time, I have come to be ever appreciative of that effect on my self-esteem.  As I am now raising my young daughter and seeing the world through different eyes, I am attempting to mimic some of the behaviors I was fortunate enough to see in my parents.  Similarly, as I researched the parenting aspect of this topic for the event, I found much research on parents’ influence on children’s self-esteem.  Incorporating a healthy amount of praise and affirmation can prove to be instrumental to a child’s foundational view of themselves, which can carry on into their adult life.

Here are some examples of ways to positively affirm your child to help improve their self-esteem:

-   Show unconditional love and affection to your child to allow them to feel worthy and important.

-   Give your child compliments as often as possible such as, “I am very proud of you. You are very special. I like the way you have done _____.”

-   Set attainable goals for your child that relate to their age and abilities and reward progress along the way.

-   Validate your child's feelings and be open and available to discuss reactions to each emotion.

-   Identify your child’s irrational beliefs, whether they're about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else, and help correct those thoughts.

-   Tend to your own self-esteem with the understanding that your child will learn by your example.

Lindsey Hill is a Licensed Professional Counselor at The Balanced Life in Madison, AL. You can contact Lindsey at lindsey@thebalancedlifellc.com  or at 256.258.7777 ext 104.