The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Lily enters the house after school, darts upstairs, and slams her bedroom door before you can even get “how was your day” remotely out of your mouth. Ever since she turned 15, it’s like you two are worlds apart.

Does this sound like a typical afternoon in your household? Are you a parent who desperately wants to hold meaningful conversations with your teenager? Forget meaningful; are you a parent who simply wants to have a conversation with your teenager that doesn’t involve arguing or simple “yes” or “no” replies? I’m sure if you take a poll amongst your closest friends and/or co-workers who are parents of teens, you will find that a large percentage of them have difficulties in getting their teens to both open up and listen.

When I reflect back to my teen years, I can remember not being able to talk to my mother about what would be considered serious topics. My struggle with this, I found, was that I didn’t think that my mother understood me. Furthermore, I didn’t think my mother had the time or the desire to really talk to me about my innermost thoughts. It wasn’t until I reached adulthood that my mother and I grew closer and I found it easier to talk to her.

You need not wait that long to have regular healthy communication with your teen. “What’s the secret?” you ask. How do you talk so that your teen will not only listen, but open up as well? I can assure you that there is no secret. You already have the skills to be able to effectively communicate with your teen. You need only apply them. I have provided 3 key ways to improve communication with your teen.

1. Be approachable. Have you ever tried to talk to someone when they were upset or busy? If so, I’m sure you soon found that you got no where in trying to get your point across or your question answered.       Teens will not talk to you if you’re always too busy, too angry, or never available. To do this, casually talk to your teen during normal day-to-day activities such as on the drive to school or to the grocery store, while doing chores, or over a meal.
2. Listen, listen, listen. Teens often are misunderstood because adults are unwilling to hear them out.       It’s okay to allow your teen to voice his or her opinion without thinking that you have to agree with all that is said. In my work over the years with teens, I have found that they are quite bright and have some remarkable ideas.
3. Remain calm. There will be times when your teen says something that you don’t like. In those cases, remain calm. This gives you an opportunity to show that you are genuinely listening, and it most importantly won’t frighten your teen to the point of not wanting to openly share his or her feelings with you in the future.

 With regular application of these three tips, you will have your teen talking to you in no time. Take advantage of those opportunities now to have casual conversations to make it easier on you and your teen to talk about the tough stuff in the future.   Remember, healthy communication starts with YOU.

Casey Harris, LPC is a therapist/independent contractor with The Balanced Life, LLC. Her specialty areas of practice include parenting, family dynamics, pre-teen/teen development, and self-worth. If you are a parent who is facing difficulties with your teen and would like help, feel free to reach out to Casey at 256-258-7777 or casey@thebalancedlifellc.com.