The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

As we embark on the New Year, we also enter into a new decade. For some, this has no significance at all, but for others there is extra motivation to make positive changes—especially those who are raising kids in this new decade.

In working with children, I often have parents come into my office and blame their children for the way they feel. I have heard countless times, “He makes me crazy,” or “I’m so anxious because of her behavior,”. While our children do affect us, we, as parents are the adults and are in charge of our own emotions and actions.

Research has shown that the most important thing a person can do to be a better parent is to focus on improving him or herself. A parent who invests in their own health and happiness tends to raise a child who puts these things as a priority. If you live in a busy household like my own, you acknowledge that hectic schedules and extra activities often limit the time a parent can focus on him/herself. While I find this to be true, I also know that there are 24 hours in a day and prioritizing your own health should have a designated place in this timeframe.  

With this in mind, I will list a few ways to better yourself and become the parent you want to be in 2020.

1. Take care of yourself. Overwhelmed and over tired are often characteristic of parents with school-aged children, but they don’t have to be! Practice some of the same habits you are preaching to your kids such as adequate amount of sleep, a healthy diet, and routine hobbies that make you happy. You will find that when you are caring for yourself, it is easier to care for others.
2. Be consistent. Parents can model consistency in a variety of ways for their children. Some may think this means a strict schedule to follow everyday, but my suggestion is to at least have a general routine that you use. This consistent schedule will allow your child to know what to expect and also promotes a more peaceful home environment. Also, attempt to use consistency with discipline—your child is more likely to respond to consequences if given in a similar manner each time.
3. Give you and your child praise. Sometimes, we are too busy praising our children’s accomplishments that we forget to give praise to ourselves. I would recommend that for each compliment or positive affirmation that you give to your child, you also say one to yourself. This not only allows you to focus on the positives of your parenting, but also models self-validation if said in front of your child.
4. Establish rewards. To me, it’s unfair to only reward children for good behavior; we as adults should be rewarded too! Rewarding yourself is a more specific form of self-care, which ties into the first recommendation and allows you to make time for your own mental health. Things to do for a job-well done as a parent can be as simple as a sweet treat one afternoon or as planned as a parent’s only vacation without the kids.
5. Set and maintain boundaries. Sometimes in parenting, the basic boundaries are often overlooked and not established from the get go. It is important to communicate with your child your expectations and use healthy boundaries with others, so your child can learn from you. For example, it is difficult for a child to learn the skills to stand up to a bully at school, when they see you displaying passive communication and being affected negatively in one of your own personal relationships.

If you want to learn more parenting skills or work with your child on developing a healthy relationship, call Lindsey Hill at (256) 258-7777 ext. 104 or email at lindsey@thebalancedlifellc.com