The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Today’s blog speaks to any person who has contemplated or is contemplating suicide, to loved ones who have lost a loved one to suicide, and those who want to know what they can do to help. 

Recently, my daughter, a senior in college at a small, close knit school, called to say a classmate died by suicide by hanging himself.  At first she did not know how he died, just that he did.  Once the news was released about how he passed away, it was shocking.  This was a known, seemingly normal guy around campus.  As a counselor myself, I feel like I should know all the right things to say to bring comfort and meaning to something like this happening.  But the truth is, I don’t.  It feels like a senseless and tragic end to a young man’s life who had a bright future ahead.  As a mother, the thought of his parents, siblings, and other family and friends carrying on with life without him makes me feel sad and helpless because I can’t imagine the shock, grief, and unsettled feelings of never fully knowing why this happened. 

A dear friend of my husband and me had a 22 year old son who shot himself and died a few years back.  Again, unsettling and shocking tragedy with questions that will forever remain unanswered.  And yet another example, a best friend of mine works with someone whose ex-husband took his own life by hanging a few days ago and he was in his early 40’s.  He may have been her “ex” husband, but he was the father of her children and she would have never guessed this was about to happen.  And again, the unsettling tragedy and unanswered questions continue.

Death by suicide, many say, is a cowardly act.  But for those of us who work with suicidal individuals know the opposite is true.  It is human nature to have an instinctual will to live and survive.  When that will is overridden with taking one’s own life, it is not being cowardly, but a complicated process of a mental health disorder like depression, bipolar, or anxiety that causes unbearable pain to the point that all that person wants is for the pain to stop.  Or it might have started as a medical condition, like repeated concussions from contact sports, that effect a person’s mental health in a serious and impactful way.  It might be someone under the influence of drugs or alcohol or someone who has lost everything to gambling.  The suicidal individual cannot see another way out at that moment in time.  And it leaves me asking myself, “what can I do?”  I suspect that if I have this question, then others have this question, too.  Let’s take a look at some things we can do.

Know that suicide is treatable and preventable with the proper assessment and treatment.  This might include a short inpatient hospital stay with follow up of counseling and medication management.  It might be counseling only or a combination of treatment options, depending on the individual.  Seeking help from a local doctor or counselor is the first step for the person in need to be treated.

Don’t be afraid to ask someone if he/she has had thoughts of suicide or harming themselves.  I used to think this might put the thought in someone’s head, but now I know that is not true.  Most of the time, it is a relief for the suicidal individual to talk about it and that alone brings relief and a sense of comfort that someone noticed and asked.

Remember that the suicidal person is hurting and has a right to their feelings.  Try not to minimize what they feel and are going through.  Instead, say things like, “this must be hard for you” or “let’s see about getting you some help”.  Let them know you respect where they are coming from and that you care.  They may not be thinking clearly and need you to guide them.

A national campaign initiative was started recently that simply says to “know the five signs”: 1. Personality change, 2. Agitated, 3. Withdrawn, 4. Poor self care, and 5. Hopelessness. The five signs are simple and effective and help us all to be more aware of when someone might be in trouble.  Once you know they are in trouble, You connect, you reach out, you inspire hope, and you offer help. Show compassion and caring and a willingness to find a solution when the person may not have the will or drive to help him- or herself. There are many resources in our communities.  Check out the website at www.changedirection.org.

For those in crisis and thinking about suicide, the national suicide helpline is available 24/7 at (800) 273- TALK (8255) or crisis text line by texting HELLO to 741-741.

For those who have experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention at afsp.org is a wealth of resources for you.

For those in need of counseling and help, please call our offices at The Balanced Life right away at (256) 258-7777 to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed counselors.

Together we can make a difference!