The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

My kids have been super excited about Summer’s arrival (for the last few months!) and kept asking me, “Is it Summer, yet?” I’m fairly certain they weren’t the only ones excited about Summer and that there were a lot of adults out there that have been excited about the warmer weather and sunshine as well!

As with most kids, they knew that when it was summertime that they would get to have more freedom and do more of the things that they wanted, like spending time with friends, playing outside, going swimming, traveling perhaps, and eating more ice cream and fewer school cafeteria lunches. In short, they believed that the presence of Summer would make them happy.

Of course, those things may make us feel happy for a short period of time but they won’t give us lasting peace and overall contentment with our lives. Happiness is actually a fleeting emotion and not a state at which to arrive, despite the phrase in our Declaration of Independence which delineates “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” as unalienable rights given to all humans.

What can give us lasting happiness then?

Ever since the turn of the last century, there's been a new field of study within psychology known as positive psychology which has focused on that very question. Rather than focusing on mental illness, positive psychologists research and study what makes us happy, what makes people laugh, and what makes love last just to name a few.

Dr. Martin EP Seligman, who is often referred to as the Father of Positive Psychology, noted that happy and pleasant emotions are just one aspect to overall life satisfaction and contentment and stated that there are at least four more in his book Flourish (2012). He calls these the five pillars and abbreviates them as PERMA.

Positive Emotions - Happy is just one of the positive emotions. This category also includes joy, gratitude, love, hope, pride, amusement, compassion and others. While some people have a lower happiness set-point from birth (genetics) and others are prone to depression and anxiety for various reasons, there are things that can be done to increase positive emotions.

Journaling about positive things, actively practicing gratitude (thank you notes, for example), and savoring the positive (purposefully retelling or remembering a happy memory, for example) are a few ways to do just that.

Engagement - This has to do with being fully engaged and/or participating in your life to the degree that time stands still and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls it FLOW. It has to do with being completely absorbed in a challenging (but doable) task. If things are too difficult, we become stressed. If they’re too easy, we become bored.

To increase your engagement in life, challenge yourself! Do one thing this week outside your comfort zone or that is a new and different experience for you (try new food or wear a color you don’t normally wear, for example). Of course, if things are incredibly stressful and overwhelming then perhaps it’s time to find something you can delegate or postpone in order to get things off your to-do list so you can focus on others.

Relationships - Positive and healthy romantic relationships are important but this category also includes any type of relationship (friends, family, colleagues, etc.) and focuses on ensuring that these relationships are reciprocal, loving, and supportive. As social creatures, our interactions with others can consume so much of our waking moments and thoughts and therefore is an integral part of lasting happiness in life regardless of whether we’re extroverted or introverted! We can improve on this pillar by creating new relationships, terminating toxic ones, and nurturing the healthy connections in our lives with those we want to keep around and close to us!

Meaning - This pillar is also referred to as purpose. The things that bring meaning or purpose to your life are the things that help you feel valued or worthy and often are related to feeling a sense of belonging. Some find this through work or being a parent or caregiver. Others engage in volunteering or delve into self-expression through creativity. Some people may have a singular focus and vision that brings them purpose, while others may find that their purpose shifts or changes throughout their lives.

If you’re unsure about how to build meaning in your life, you can get involved in a cause, spend time with those you care about, pursue a passion, help others, or simply express yourself in a creative way!

Accomplishment - Lastly, is the pillar of accomplishments or achievements. This one has to do with having a sense of mastery and feeling competent of good at something. Focus on what you want to do and set a goal (ie. cleaning the car). Next, divide that goal into lots and lots of smaller and smaller steps that all lead you closer to your goal until you get to steps that are so small you could accomplish one of them easily today (clean out the glovebox) and then - do that one step/task. Next: give yourself credit for your accomplishment! It feels so good to accomplish things that it is self-perpetuating and we will find ourselves wanting to do more typically!

So if you’re on the road trip of LIFE headed toward lasting HAPPINESS and find yourself asking, “Are we there, yet?” Check the five pillars of life satisfaction and contentment and find the pillar that could use a little work and focus on improving just that one for a while. Perhaps it’s all the roadmap you need.

If you have questions or would like to reach me, you may contact me via email at maggie@balancedlifellc.com or anyone at The Balanced life, LLC at info@balancedlifellc.com.