The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Although my dad in 2002 died at 55 years and 10 months old, he used to say he was “double nickels”. Now it’s my turn to be the age of double nickels at my next birthday in October. There’s always been this dark cloud hanging over my brother, sister, and I since our dad and two other close extended family members died relatively young around the same time.

Since I am the oldest of the three, I get to enter this “55/ double nickels” era first. However, I have decided to let go of the dark cloud and hang on to a sunny disposition and embrace the inevitable age we’ve been dreading for so long. Why, you ask? I learned a few years back that getting older is a privilege denied to many and I believe that with all my heart. My dad did not get to have a full head of gray hair or watch his grandchildren grow up. A fatal cardiac arrest took him from us at too young an age. But those who knew him, knew he embraced life and lived in the little precious moments day to day.

When I reflect on all that has happened in the world, our nation, and in the personal lives of my family and friends over the past twenty years, it is quite astounding. Many losses, upsetting headlines, and a pandemic that never seems to end are just a few of the hardships endured amongst many others. And yet, through it all many gains have also happened: kids growing up and living productive fulfilling lives, a beautiful granddaughter being brought into the world, the internet and cell phones connecting people from all over the world, etc. Even as I write this, I am sitting on my covered front porch on a Sunday morning sipping coffee while enjoying the rainfall.

Each day the sun rises and sets and we get a day older, but we can’t tell we’ve gotten older until much more time passes. Kids growing up, noticing a fine line or new wrinkle on your face, or grandparents passing away are signs we are getting older, but we don’t know it in the moment. Because I am quickly approaching double nickels as my age, I wanted to pass along a few words of wisdom I’ve learned along the way about time:

1. We can’t buy time. Boy if we could, can you imagine? Alas, it is the one thing in this world money can’t buy, which makes it a precious commodity. Use it wisely, which does not mean to apply pressure to yourself or think you have to fill every moment of every day with plans. It simply means to use it wisely- sometimes activity, sometimes planning, sometimes being in the moment, and sometimes working hard. But as much as possible, be in the moment of whatever that moment brings.

2. Each day is a gift. We’ve heard this said many times and oh how true it is! My dad lived his life demonstrating this notion by putting his family first, letting us know he loved us, and by staying active. I used to think I was immortal, at least I’m pretty sure I believed that, but as I grow older, I know this is not true. While that could be because of death anxiety (we all experience death anxiety to some degree), I choose to use it as a motivator for appreciating the day.

3. Life’s pleasures are in the little moments. Watching my two ½ year old granddaughter is proof of this. She is observant and playful and very much in the moment. She isn’t worried about what she has planned for later or what to have at her next meal or regretting something she said. Instead, she is playing, singing, eating, or napping in the current moment. Recently she was chasing our dog through the house and scuffled under a chair after him. I hadn’t even paid attention that our dog first ran under the chair until she followed his exact path. It gave me pause to realize how much she does seize the moment and that life’s little moments are the most important ones. They are the big moments after all.

4. Be where you are. Many of us are a work in progress and not where we want to be yet. To that I say, it’s ok. Simply put we are doing the best we can with the tools we have right now in this moment. We learn, we grow, we adjust. Do what you can, honor your life phase, and be where you are. I learned in yoga (and I’m not yoga regular or expert!) that when we honor our body and do what we can, not what the instructor can do or judge what someone else can’t do, the results become amazing because we let go of comparisons and negativity towards self.

5. Know that in the dark times, miracles grow. I’ve had some really dark times in my life- death of loved ones, ending of my first marriage, serious leg injury, and extended family relationship troubles, but right now life is better and I’d even add “wonderful”. I believe that although the dark times were sad and cloudy and numb, that a seed was being planted for growth and it allowed for miracle to appear in my life now. So hang in there if you are going through a dark time right now, maybe your seed is harvesting and miracles are on the horizon.

It is because I have the privilege of growing older (so far) and am approaching the age of double nickels that it gives me pause, gratitude, and knowledge that in spite of a troubled world, we can find internal peace and miracles. If you find you are spending time regretting the past and rehashing it over and over in your mind or fretting about the future and sensing extra fear, I encourage you to take stock in the 5 points above and ponder on which might speak to you. It is true that life is a gift, even when we don’t know it yet. If you’d like to contact me, Holly Walker, you may do so at holly@thebalancedlifellc.com or (256) 258-7777 x 102.