The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

Oftentimes clients come into my office with present concerns of depression, anxiety or conflict. Once assessed and a personal history is established, it becomes clear that the problems are not only occurring in the present, but are rooted in experiences and wounds from the past.

Many people don’t even make the connection that the symptoms and the previous experiences are related. They feel that because something happened so long ago, it could not be causing something today, but they find that by working on past wounds, they feel better in the here and now, too.

What kind of events are considered “traumatic?” Trauma is subjective, and really in the eye of the beholder. What that means is that something that would be very upsetting to one person may only be mildly upsetting to another. For instance, having your parents divorce may be manageable to some whose parents co-parent successfully and respectfully, but traumatic if a parent moves to another state, or is vindictive in co-parenting.

Traumatic events can be anything from abuse and neglect, to having a caretaker with a substance abuse or mental health issue. It could be experiencing an eviction or community violence, being assaulted or discriminated against. It could be the loss of a loved one who played a support role or witnessing violence in the home. These events affect most people greatly, and they leave a long-term impact, especially when untreated.

How do I know if I have unresolved trauma?

1. Negative Self-Talk. The way we talk to ourselves and view ourselves is often a result of negative experiences in childhood. I’m not good enough. No one will ever love me. I’m a loser. If you notice extreme examples such as these running through your mind in times of adversity, they may be the words of someone who had a damaging impact on your life.

2. Re-enactment. Are you noticing negative cycles in your life? Are you dating the same kind of unhealthy person? Choosing a best friend who reminds you of your mom? Are you hurting yourself? These can be signs that you are subconsciously stuck in a trauma loop and are repeating the traumatic themes that hurt you.

3. Triggers. Do you notice yourself going 0-60 when certain things happen? For instance, feeling terrified because someone came up behind you or you heard a loud noise? Or feeling furious when someone seemingly disrespects you? Or wanting to cry because of mild feedback at work? This can be a sign that your brain is associating the present with a painful memory in the past. A trigger is identified when we feel presently the same emotions that we felt when we were hurt in the past. For instance, a person may be triggered if their boss asks them to correct an issue at work, but the real reason they feel powerless and belittled is because their dad used to yell at them over every little thing as a child, and this is an old association raring its ugly head.

4. Trouble with boundaries. Do you have trouble saying no? Standing up for yourself and what you want? Do you find yourself in codependent relationships? Many times people have trouble with boundaries when their boundaries have been overstepped their whole lives. Nothing sends the signal that boundaries do not exist like having someone sexually or physically abuse you. It sets the expectation from early childhood that your body is not your own, and you have no power. Likewise with emotional abuse. If someone is mean or belittling with their words, it is hard to find a voice in that environment.

5. Addiction issues. Do you find yourself trying to numb away your emotions? Many people struggle with intrusive thoughts following trauma and choose to use alcohol or drugs to avoid these thoughts and feelings. It is a dangerous cycle because the problems are still there when the person sobers up, and it takes more and more of the substance to get the desired effect as time goes on. Some people use sex, gambling or food to numb these emotions as well.

6. Sleep issues. Are you having trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep? Are you having troubling dreams? When we experience trauma, we often have hypervigilance as a symptom. Hypervigilance is when our body is on high alert and has trouble relaxing, which is necessary for restful sleep. Many children are abused at night, leaving an overall unsafe feeling in the dark, even into adulthood.

7. Sexual issues. Are you afraid of intimacy? Triggered by physical touch? Reenacting sexual abuse in your relationships? Practicing unsafe sex? These can be signs that your trauma history is impacting your sexual wellness.

8. Relationship Issues. Do you have a high-conflict relationship? Have trouble expressing your thoughts and emotions? Have intense fears of being abandoned? Find yourself avoiding others altogether? These can all be signs that relationships do not feel safe because of attachment issues early in childhood.

9. Physical health issues. A study of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) done by Kaiser Permanente showed that people who experienced childhood trauma were more likely to have physical maladies later in life, such as diabetes, obesity, COPD, fibromyalgia and more. Our emotional and physical health are directly linked, and addressing our emotional needs can promote overall wellness.

10. Shame. Is feeling embarrassed or ashamed your default setting when something goes awry? This emotion is often a remnant from childhood trauma. Many children are made to feel that their treatment is the result of their behavior or who they are, and this can persist into adulthood. Feeling like everything is your fault even with evidence to the contrary is a surefire sign that a wounded inner child is taking responsibility for something they shouldn’t.

What if I am showing signs of unresolved trauma? Do something about it! I hear over and over that people are afraid to delve into their history because they are afraid that “the dam will break.” This is not the case. You are in control and can go at whatever pace feels safe. Working with a professional who specializes in trauma work will ensure that you are processing your experiences without feeling overwhelmed. It’s never too late to start. If you are ready to begin this brave and rewarding work, feel free to reach out at info@thebalancedlifellc.com.