The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

If you are a parent, you are quite aware that children express and experience love in different ways. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell suggest in their book “The Five Love Languages of Children”, that once a parent learns a child’s primary love language it can have a profound impact on their relationship, happiness and overall development. 

However, navigating how to apply certain love languages can be sometimes be tricky in an ever-evolving family system.  I would suggest that parents keep in mind, that as a child moves through different stages of development, the way they express and receive your love may also change.  For example, a toddler may require more physical touch such as rocking, holding and patting whereas an older elementary child, may need more words of affirmation and praise from their parents. 

Dedicating time to recognize the way your child best expresses love to others and how they receive it in return will be beneficial to them and yourself as a parent. Observing how they respond to other’s actions is one example how to identify their preferences. Do they ask you to play often or simply just sit in your lap to read a book? Those that want play are most likely prioritizing their quality time with you while someone who wants to be close is searching for physical touch.   Once you have identified their needs, you can be more intentional about communicating your love to your child in the way that best speaks to them!

Below is a list of the 5 love languages and how you can use them effectively to communicate love to your child:

1. Physical Touch-

• - In the early years, this may include more skin to skin contact such as rocking and holding to give your child the security that you are near.
• - For younger children, just simply sitting by them or snuggling can let them know you care. 
• - When considering teenage children, I would suggest asking their boundaries, but ideas would include a high five, pat on the back, or an unexpected hug while they’re heading out the door.

2. Words of Affirmation- I cannot stress enough that using positive praise and encouragement is a powerful way to nurture a child’s self-worth regardless of their preferences.  They can feel special and valued if you affirm them in multiple ways on a daily basis.

• - Saying “I love you” many times a day
• - Focusing not only on affirming their child’s achievements, but recognizing hard work and participation
• - Using satements such as ‘I am proud of you because’ or ‘I admire you because’ can help build self-esteem.

3. Quality Time- This relates to spending one on one uninterrupted time with your child and being fully emotionally and mentally present with them. Your child feels loved because you are choosing to spend alone time with them.

• - Having special date nights with just you and your child
• - Stopping other obligations and making eye contact while your child is telling you something
• - Doing fun activities and playing games that your child chooses
• - Attending their important events  

4. Gifts- If your child often gives you something small or creative, they most likely feel loved through gift giving. I will warn that the symbolism of this language is the thought and certainly not the price or materialistic nature of the gift.

• - Try to choose small inexpensive items or homemade items to give your child
• - When they are older, search for things that interest them and find communalities through your gift
• - Making them a special treat or framing a picture of the two of you

5. Acts of Service- This certainly does not mean being at your child’s beck and call. Choosing to do certain things for your child may mean showing them your love through extra attention that fills a need.

• - Sitting down and helping them do their homework
• - Helping them organize their school work or closet
• - Completing a task for them that they may identify as difficult

Showing love to your child should include examples from each love language, but recognizing your child’s preferences can help you connect with them on a deeper level.  If you are looking for additional guidance to strengthen your parenting skills, contact Lindsey Hill at lindsey@thebalancedlifellc.com or at (256) 258-7777 ext. 104.