The Balanced Life, Huntsville Alabama

During coffee with a friend, I have not seen in a month, we discussed the current state of our lives and that of family and mutual friends. However, throughout the entirely of the 45mins coffee break my friend continuously checked her phone, responded to emails, and complained of how busy she is all of the time. Hence, the reason I have not seen her in over a month. She was obviously frazzled and overwhelmed. I could not help but to feel sad for her. However, she is not alone in her quest to check all of the boxes all of the time.

I sat in a restaurant the other day and overheard a mother speaking harsh words to her elementary age child (10 years old or so).  She said in a rude tone, “you are so stupid!” and not only did it make me sad and feel protective of her child, it made me think about the power of words we speak. 

Last night, my daughter had a friend stay at our house for a sleep over. As I always am when I watch kids interact, I was amused and amazed. They have such a way of engaging with each other that is part genius, part imagination and part sheer silliness. I remember back to when I was a kid and would spend time with my buddies. Everything was unbelievably funny one minute then the next someone's feelings were hurt and some level of momentary drama would ensue. But ammends were made quickly and the fun would resume. As I observed my daughter and her friend, I was reminded of  a number of lessons we adults could do well to learn from kids.

Just take a moment and consider how many “friends” you have? And don’t count the 500 plus social media “friends” you claim. How many can you name? How much time have you spent with them lately?  And how do you know they are “true friends?” This is a question exists in all stages of life: the young, middle aged, and the old.

Most of us, at different times in our life, have struggled with self-esteem issues. The definition of self-esteem is a concept that is extremely subjective, but is vital in our development as a person.  Starting from a young age, we are strongly influenced by others, whether intentionally or unintentionally. As I was doing research the past few weeks for an upcoming event at a local school, I studied some of the facts of bullying and how it can shape children’s self-esteem.  I found that nearly 1 out of 4 children are bullied at their school and these bullying victims are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and poor school adjustment.  I also found that youth victimized by their peers were 2.4 times more likely to report suicidal ideation and 3.3 times more likely to report a suicide attempt than youth who reported not being bullied.

1. YOU “SHOULD” FORGIVE.

Recently I attended a training about the topic of forgiveness and was prepared to bring back to my office a few wonderful handouts, worksheets, and poems to share with clients.  Boy was I wrong!  I learned much more about forgiveness and concepts of forgiveness than could be written on a worksheet.  For one, I’ve heard many people say that a person “should” forgive those who have hurt them in order to help themselves.  When we hold onto the hurts and resentments towards others, it only causes the person pain that is unwilling to forgive. 

I spent this past weekend in one of my favorite Southern cities, Charleston, SC. I haven't been there in several years and was so excited to be back. I love history and Charleston practically oozes it. From the gorgeous homes to the cobblestone streets to the beautiful waterfront, it's a place all history buffs should visit in their lifetime. I went there to run a half marathon and had a great race on Saturday. The weather was perfect, I felt great, and ran well. As I ran along during the race, I marvelled not only at the amazing architercture and scenery but also the resilience of this city. In the mid 1800's alone, it endured multiple fires, an earthquake and the Civil War.  I thought about the story of Charleston and how it's grown and changed over the last two hundred plus years. It's history is tainted with the terrible atrocity of slavery and the years of struggle for equality and fairness. Yet, it has remained a testament to resilience and rebirth. I see the power of perserverance and opportunity every time I visit. 

Am I ugly? Is a question most of us have asked ourselves at least once?  A few years ago there was a YouTube explosion as teens around the world were filming themselves and asking the opinion of public viewers. Some say it was an attempt to get attention, others say it comes from low self-esteem, and others suggest that it's due to lacking knowledge of what's shareable. After all, today’s social media has made it easy to share everything.

After reading a few of my colleagues’ recent blogs, I was compelled to continue the theme of focusing on the “new year” for 2016; however with a different twist.  As others mentioned, it is a common expectation to set personal goals at the beginning of each year and attempt to reach those by the end of December. If you are like me, I have set these goals early on and even after seeing progress, failed to complete some by the end of the calendar year.  While from the outside, it may seem as a lack of motivation or determination, I tend to see a different perspective.  While it is imperative to create personal goals and attempt to achieve them throughout the year, it is also important to create separate relationship goals with your significant other. Assessing your goals in relation to your partner’s and combining them to create new goals together can lead to a happier, more fulfilled relationship. 

As we end the year 2015 and look forward to a new year in 2016, I can’t help but reflect on this past year and think about what went well, goals I achieved, and what did not. We all know that many people set New Year’s resolutions only to have them fail and fizzle out by the end of January. I know I’ve done that a time or two. I read this morning that goals fail for two reasons: fear of failure and lack of motivation. If I want to earn a college degree, thinking about it isn’t going to get the degree, registering for the first class is. Or if I want to be healthier, sitting on the couch thinking about it and feeling guilty is not going to get me there, exercise and healthier eating is.

By: Dana Hampson, LPC-S, BCC

Each January, Runner’s World magazine (of which I am a subscriber) puts out their annual New Year, New You edition to kick the year off right. It’s chock full of articles and advice meant to motivate and inspire would-be runners to run and for experienced runners to take it to the next level, whatever that might be for each person. I like reading it. Sometimes I find something new and interesting. Since I’ve been running for over a decade now, most of the stuff I already know but it’s a good refresher. What it really does for me is encourages thought about what I’d like to do better as a runner, how I can improve in the next year, what I’ve done up until this point and what’s still on my bucket list to accomplish in the future.

Naughty or Nice? Exploring Realistic Discipline for Parent

Contributed by: Jessica D. Cleveland, M.S., LPC, NCC

It’s that time of year when we talk to our kids a lot about their behavior. We sing the song “You better not pout, you better not cry, because Santa Clause is coming to town, he’s making a list and checking it twice, he’s going to find out whose naughty and nice,” but how often do we encourage good behavior in our children other times during the year.